In a world where double crosses and double agents can make things fall apart fast, it pays to know how to put them back togetherPlaying Secret Agent 007 had its advantages: fast cars, nifty gadgets, cummerbunds. But there's a problem with relying too much on high technology: Things fall apart. That's fine if it's a flimsy bikini, but it spells big trouble when it's something you really depend on, like a cocktail.
And since I spent most of my time being chased through explosive situations by unstable women with great legs, I couldn't always rely on Q to provide the necessary fix. What's a modem secret agent to do when everything comes unglued? Reach for the glue gun and say, "Bond, James, bond."
TARGET THE RIGHT AGENTS
Pick the wrong agent and the bond won't last. Just ask George Lazenby. So do it right. To glue paper, use white glue or rubber cement. To glue wood, use white glue, carpenter's glue, plastic resin glue, or construction adhesive. To glue metal, plastic, or porcelain, use epoxy or Super Glue. To glue leather, use carpenter's glue or rubber cement. And if the broken object is the heart of a beautiful Bond girl? I wouldn't know. I'm usually in another country by then.
PREPARE TO MOUNT
After my very first Bond film, I learned a critical lesson about how to prevent problems with women who interfere with my duty to the Crown. Make your break a clean one. If the surface is smooth and flat, a light sanding will do the trick. If the surface has any sort of residue, you'll need to remove it using solvent or detergent. Give the glue a good surface; just don't alter it so much that the contact zone shrinks. As I learned while grappling with Anya Amasova in The Spy Who Loved Me, the more contact between bare surfaces, the better.
FORM A SATISFYING ATTACHMENT
There are three secrets to making the bond work. First, it's far better to cover each of the two parts with a thin, glutinous layer. Second, use restraints. (This advice works remarkably well in the bedroom, too.) A pipe-, spring-, or C-clamp will hold your parts together, if you really want to make them stick. Third, hold on until you're sure the desired results have been achieved. After all, it takes
patience and skill to form a truly successful bond. When finished, I suggest you glue yourself to a vodka martini. Don't ask how to prepare it.